The Blackberry Strain

Opening scene:  4 pm Saturday, The Lab*

Every surface, including my face, is covered in flour. I look at the oven clock. It’s 4:00 pm, then suddenly 4:01. Only 44 minutes before I have to depart for the church picnic. I wipe my brow, smudging it with purple goo. I’m trying to seal the edges of the circular hand pie on the counter, but cream cheese filling keeps oozing out around the edges.

I shout, “Damn it, I’m running out of time!”

Then, more softly but with even more desperation: “Oh God. There’s no time. What am I supposed to do?”

The audience** wonders: How did she end up like this?

*A.K.A. my kitchen

** A.K.A. my cat

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Crouching Baker, Hidden Gluten

I wasn’t totally honest with you about those chocolate chip cookies a few weeks ago. I didn’t lie about their deliciousness (I’m not a monster). I still believe that everyone you feed them to will love them, and you. But when I said they would solve all your social problems, I was exaggerating. The truth is, sooner or later you’ll run into someone – like a vegan, or a person allergic to soy, gluten, dairy or chocolate – who can’t eat them. And then, your Lutheran cookie powers will be useless.

But when that happens, you mustn’t lose hope! There are other powers you can call upon. I’ll show you. I know I may seem like a simple prairie girl: facing the world with nothing but a church cookbook, a few pounds of butter, and a sweet, I-hope-she-doesn’t-realize-I-have-no-idea-what-‘fleek’-is smile. But I have a more sophisticated set of baking skills than you might think. Read More