Mad Science

Jump to recipe for rhubarb custard popsicles

For a long time, I thought my lab career had peaked in the seventh grade. My science project that year was entitled, “What is the Most Important Ingredient in a Cake?” I baked Betty Crocker’s yellow cake recipe ten times – each time omitting a different ingredient. I evaluated the finished cakes with a rubric that included height, color, texture and taste.

It wasn’t my highest-scoring science project. Late the night before it was due, I covered my tri-fold board with jagged, multi-colored fans of construction paper and bubble letters. I hoped it would come off as “whimsical,” but the judges called it “sloppy.” Also, they weren’t impressed that I had only done the experiment once. Apparently, the Doc Brown method wasn’t good enough for the high schoolers who got extra credit for evaluating my middle school science fair. But, it was the most relevant that “science” had ever seemed to me. Through my process, I learned that vanilla and salt are purely for taste, baking soda and eggs are for leavening, and sugar is what keeps cake from tasting like Ramen noodles. To this day, whenever I have to substitute an ingredient in a baked good, I think back to that experiment.

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The Blackberry Strain

Opening scene:  4 pm Saturday, The Lab*

Every surface, including my face, is covered in flour. I look at the oven clock. It’s 4:00 pm, then suddenly 4:01. Only 44 minutes before I have to depart for the church picnic. I wipe my brow, smudging it with purple goo. I’m trying to seal the edges of the circular hand pie on the counter, but cream cheese filling keeps oozing out around the edges.

I shout, “Damn it, I’m running out of time!”

Then, more softly but with even more desperation: “Oh God. There’s no time. What am I supposed to do?”

The audience** wonders: How did she end up like this?

*A.K.A. my kitchen

** A.K.A. my cat

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The Friday Night Cake Log

Disclaimer: I did not have the foresight to take pictures during the events described below. Instead, visual interest has been added in the form of poorly drawn crayon images. Apologies in advance!

You guys know how, on Fridays, you just want to crank some tunes, pour yourself a drink and undertake a long, tedious baking project? Or, wait…is that not how the rest of you guys kick off the weekend?

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